stitching the first seam, an introduction.
hi, lemme briefly lay out the threads sewing this blog.
this was inevitable, huh? a writer from a big media company gets laid off and, not long after the restlessness of idle time and the rumination of failed potential compound into some seriously shitty feelings, they start a newsletter. everyone does it. it was just a matter of time until i did it, too. now, here i am. a writer laid off from a big media company who started a newsletter. this time, though, things are a bit different for me.
previously, i was a staff writer at the videogame website kotaku dot com. it was a dream job, something i never thought iβd achieve coming from sacramento, california. it took my partner and i β and our many plants that have since died β from the janky, sleepy city of trees to the busy, noisy city of dreams. writing is all iβve ever wanted to do since i was eight years old, so making a living as a writer β and a writer covering videogames, no less β in new york city was a dream come true. but along the way, the dream malformed into tedium, then hatred, thenβ¦nothing. the siteβs parent company, backed by callously stingy and cowardly pretentious executives, hollowed me. itβs cliche, but i was literally chewed up and spat out like bad, fatty, gross meat. getting laid off, after giving all of me to everyone and everything there, broke me.
i thought about giving up. on my craft, on my dream, on myself. it sounds extreme, but that company, that websiteβ¦it really has a way of deconstructing, of βπ‘π’ππ©π’ππ±π¦π«π€β you. itβs like a war; you go in hoping to make a difference but walk out a shell of a person.
that was pretty much me: a zombie. rotted. dead on the inside yet still animate. and the thing that animated me, that propelled me forward, was the burning desire to write. but i donβt plan on turning a hobby into a career. that was my mistake last time.
see, videogames were a huge part of my life. i remember begging my sister to pause the role-playing game final fantasy 7 so i could dress up as the blond spiky-haired pretty boy cloud strife and mimic his mannerisms while she played in our grandmaβs house. i remember arguing with my cousins over who could control the raven spiky-haired hot boy jin kazama in the 3d fighting game series tekken. i remember itemizing a christmas list for my grandma hoping sheβd stop buying me socks and ~ actually ~ get me what i wanted: an xbox 360, the gory third-person shooter gears of war, and a second controller. (she did, and i blogged about it. rip.) i knew i wanted to be a writer. i knew i liked videogames. i read game informer and ign and gamespot all the time, so i figured iβd combine my two loves into one. youβre never unhappy when youβre doing what you love, right? wrong. it sucked so hard and eventually, i didnβt just start to hate videogames. i started to hate writing, too. maybe thatβs why i got laid off in the end...
anyway, this fashion blog / newsletter is only a hobby. i will always pursue writing as a career; i fundamentally believe in the energy of words. but talking shit about clothes? thatβs just between us squirrel friends. iβve spent enough time hating myself, hating my work, hating my potential, that i need something else to focus on. and clothes have helped me feel better about myself lately, so thatβs what this thing is about. itβll be very messy. itβll be very lowkey. itβll be very rambly. but whatever, i very much need this.
in a similar way that words have the power to change and inspire, clothes have the power to embolden and flatter. and much like how words can instill empathy, clothes can engender confidence. by getting very real about fashion, i hope to provoke you and i to think a little deeper about clothes, why we get dressed, and what clothes do to us on the inside and on the outside. at the end of the day, though, my goals are to entertain and inform wholly on my terms. so, with that, iβm stoked to write my way, every other saturday, and i hope to see you at the cafe ! weβve got some tea to share ~~
xo, π’π©π©π’ π°π©π¬π΄ π€π
I am seated